Thisabsurdworld

I love the sounds you make 
How I wish my mind could record them 
How I wish I could hear them all day 

Once, I dropped what was in my hands 
and walked straight to you 
as you walked straight to me 
walking to you is perhaps my favourite thing 

I want to know how you experience love 
I want to talk to you about deep things 
I want to understand you 
And understand how you see life 

I am okay alone 
Alone is not a bad thing 
I will be okay alone 
I still hope to see you then once 
At the end of every year 
And you would tell me  
who you were 
and who you are now 
and I would love you then 
and all the days  
that I am alone 

It’s midnight and 
I don’t think you’ll still be up 
maybe you’re dreaming of 
what you’ll do tomorrow  
and the day after that 
and who you’ll be  
after years more of life 
stretching you out and dragging 
you through time 
I hope you’re dreaming sweet 
that the future doesn’t scare you 
that you don’t avoid it 
that you’ll speak 
really speak 
and become  
the person 
you are 

In the late-night air 
under a lamp of light 
your face was  
the most beautiful thing 
I had ever seen 
the most  
beautiful thing 
I had ever seen 
I am supposed to play with words 
and I don’t have the words to  
describe how beautiful your face was then 
when you gave me something I lost 
Without knowing it 
you gave me something else that I had lost 

Rather 
a soft death 
than  
a soft bed 

I will never forget our times 
and you won’t either, I think 

I will remember you for who you were 
before the end 
not for who you were 
when you left me standing there 

I romanticize you too much  
because I still miss you 
I see you as an idol 
as someone I still want to be with 

but this is the way it is now, 
goodbye

When you left 
breathing became 
labour 

and I am exhausted of labour 

I remember the exact moment 
the world lost its meaning 

my face in a pillow at the hotel 
my future flashing before my eyes 

and none of it  
felt worth living 

none of it 
meant anything 

your ‘I’m sorry’ on my phone 
had broken me 

and I am eternally grateful for it 

because being broken 
let’s you see the whole 

Isn’t it boring 
how we all 
use the same 
combination 
of options 

It is not  
writing poems 
for the sake 
of writing poems 

It is 
writing poems 
to convey 
emotional meaning 

If you go searching 
for poems 
you usually 
find ones 
without meaning 

Please! 
The fragile minds 
let them be free 
to choose 

they need you 
to show them 
that they don’t need you 

That which people ridicule 
is perhaps the closest thing 
to truth 

[64]

Loneliness is not knowing 
how to be alone 

[56]

To be a poet 
or a philosopher 
is to describe life 

This is so important 
because no one 
knows what life is 

this is not a poem 
just some words 
on a motivational poster 
or an inspirational message 
but the words are truly powerful 
and helped me write this 

the words are: 
we just keep trying 

the most comfortable life is in the machine 
a fabricated reality 

[14]

pretending to know something 
to look smart 
is very stupid 

I am a mess of thoughts 
sometimes just a heap on the floor 
unable to move 
just to cry out 
and hear the cry echo off the wall 

If a specific day 
was erased from 
our brains 
did that day 
ever happen? 

[4]

Sometimes 
I feel stupid 
for loving you 
but sometimes 
my love for you 
is the only thing 
that feels real 

the people you meet 
are not the only 
people that exist 

I’m in love 
with the future you 
hidden within you 
I see him sometimes 
he spoke to me once 
I fell in love with him then 
but I was left with you 
and not him 

the void is okay 
because it is all 
there truly is 

Even if 
I did not have a mouth 

I would know  
what to speak 

Everlasting 
and  
never-created 
go beyond 
understanding 

Even our name 
just a handy descriptor 

It is fake 
don’t you see 
a façade 
that you use 
to scare yourself 
to tell yourself 
you’re missing  
something you’ll 
never find 

But you’re not 
missing anything 
from the moment 
you are born 
maybe even before that 
your life is complete 

Are we only in relation to others?

An empty billboard 
of crumpled paper 

Displaying nothing 
kinda like your face 

How I look 
and who I love 
is in no way 
significant 
in describing 
my personality 

How lifelessly 
do you live? 
How sleepy 
are you? 

Everything was  
covered in rust 
today  

My hands  
were slow  
and clumsy 

My throat sore 
and empty of words 

and my heart 
felt nothing 

And no one  
saw a change 
in the world 
not me, not you 
because we were 
breathing 
head deep 
in the mud pools 
of our own backyards 
we see nothing 
but mud 
and we love it 

Truth 
is 
far 
from 
your 
mouth 
because 
you 
are 
scared 
to 
tell 
it 
you 
are 
scared 
to 
show 
you 

how it would be 
to live in a world 
where every sound 
is a poem 

where every sound 
inspires 

words float 
structurelessly

until a poem 
plucks them  
from the air 
to create 
a togetherness 
of words 

True freedom  
would mean 
chaos 

chaos is not bad 

Something new 
presents itself 
every day 
to our old minds 

How far back  
do dreams about  
the future go 

we are living 
a future dream 
of a person past 

that which is low 
reaches for 
that which is high 

[but there is no height]

How many days 
do we live with  
closed eyes 

dear loved one 
do not let 
your eyes dry out 
from the desert sand 

That we live in  
the desert 
does not mean 
we are doomed 
to think 
like the desert  

I woke up 
and everyone 
in the country  
was gone 

I closed the borders 
no one came in 

I don’t feel  
lonely 
I feel 
free 

oh what I would give 
oh what I would do 

to be a voice you would listen to 
a face you would smile at 
and eyes you would look into 

Do the days shimmer 
and the weeks dance 
Do trees leave their leaves 
for homeless men to find 
and wheat their grain 
for the hungry 
Do empty boxes fill houses 
and empty bottles stomachs 
If you prepare for the worst 
will you ever see the best 

Sometimes I think 
I can speak 
what I think 
to you 

but then reality 
stutters into frame 
and falls awkwardly silent 

STOP 
FOR 
A 
MOMENT 
AND 
BREATHE 
and  
think 

When we tell someone 
God has a plan for your life 
do we tell them  
they could still die tomorrow 

the moment  
you realize 
we know 
nothing 
and that life 
seems pointless 
is the moment 
you realize 
God exists 

windlessness
reminds me of nothing 
while the storm 
paints a soft smile on my face 
from memories of tearful times  

we are afraid of the word 
goodbye  
even though it is 
a word we 
must use 
in this life 

Cascading thoughts  
of your irreducible beauty 
your fundamental beauty 
your inevitable beauty 
your essential beauty 

We are used to 
breaking our hearts 
because they’re not ours 
but we forget 
to celebrate 
they exist 

Sometimes  
you don’t notice 
that the leaves  
have changed colours 
till they’ve fallen 

If you never 
look at the trees 
you won’t notice 
falling leaves 
before it’s too late 

You are 
the bezel  
of my heart 

without you 
it is raw 
uncontrolled 

without you 
it is floating 
through a  
boundless void 

no tether  
to reality 

mom and dad 
I love you so 
even though 
you’re not real 
superheroes 

mom and dad 
I hope you know 
that even though 
we’re all just broken people 
you’re my heroes 

you’ve known 
the writing 
on your wall 
your whole life 

so it must be right 
right? 

approaching zero 
but never zero 

the fluid flame 
so easily bought 
but not easily 
sold 

together 
I bound 
words from 
then and now 
words that sing 
words that cry 
words that are angry 
words that have hope 

in the narrow 
space of an inner room 
the mirror shows  
a different reflection 
of me 

as I stand in front of it 
I wonder 
maybe I am the reflection 
perhaps I wish 
to just be a reflection 
to be without reality 

I left myself  
to see what I would do 
I saw that I made mistakes 
why do I always make mistakes 

I saw someone 
without a home 
and wondered who they were 
what they felt 
how they laughed 
and how they loved 
when the last time was 
that they cried 
and when the last time was 
that they were truly happy 

the vibrant hue 
of a feldgrau forest 
where an amaranth apple 
rolls to your feet 
in the sarcoline sun 

secretly 
you  
know 

together 
for me 
means 

being alone 
with someone else 

it means 
distance  
but not  
distant 

where is our personality 
is it in our gender 
is it in our skin 
is it in our sexuality 
is it in our religion 
is it in our body 

no 
it is in our humanity 
in our soul 

of course a fabricated reality 
is the most comfortable life 
because it is not real 
tailored to fit your comfort 

waiting in the outskirts 
of public transportation 
on a cold winters night 
is perhaps one of the weirdest  
vaguely negative feelings 

by definition 
groups divide 

[25]

real 
love 
knows 
no 
restrictions 

real 
love 
is 
not 
close
minded 

Boys don’t have to like girls
Girls don’t have to like boys
Men don’t have to be ‘cool’
Women don’t have to be moms

[No one has to be anything]

we are what we know 
but we don’t know what we are 

how long have you been living 
twenty years 
how long have you been dying 
twenty years