water is a hot summers day
with clothes in the pool
dripping with happiness
fire is the feeling in a heart
when it has found
something beautiful
yet destructive
water is a hot summers day
with clothes in the pool
dripping with happiness
fire is the feeling in a heart
when it has found
something beautiful
yet destructive
do you ever notice
the indescribable magic
your face carries
do you ever notice
the fundamental beauty
of your eyes
do you ever realize
who you are
and think about
who you want to be
I
look
at
an
empty
space
and
I
wish
you
were
here
to
fill
it
a painting
and the paint is
the feeling that I get
when I see you smile
we wait for a better time
but the only time is now
time is up
were you done
honestly
sometimes
I don’t know
what to say
anymore
find me
when the sounds get too loud
and the people shut you out
come and find me
cry deep
with your head against my chest
it’s okay to protest
oh cry deep
hold you
when no one understands
when they try to break your mind
I will hold you
(read to yourself)
I am pretty
I am valuable
I am loved
I matter
I am fun
etc
standing in the ocean
as the tide comes
I let it happen
what else can I do
I can’t stop it
the question is
will I come out again
the water rises
the water recedes
and I am gone
a waterfall cascading
what does it matter
unfathomable delirium
is perhaps
the most fundamental state
of the human being
we read the back
and put it back
disgusted by lack
yet we lack
our emotions we hold
with no hands to hold
peer through the fold
in the end we all fold
you thought you knew
what you wanted to do
but then you broke it
and in the pieces you saw
something new
limited vision
empty mind
phantom hand
wordless pages
mean nothing
we still try to hide behind
the impossible ignorance
of life’s significance
we do the same thing
again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and we call it life
God
do you think
I am wrong
sometimes
I think I am wrong
because people say You say
I am wrong
I think
they are wrong
why are there
eyes in the wall
behind my back
staring at me
judging me
why
are they
always there
listen
closer
you don’t hear them
because all you hear
is yourself standing in front of a mirror
I’m afraid time
will cost me my life
and so I say to time
stop it
please just stop it
you’re not giving me enough time
to keep up with time
because I look away for one second
and years have passed
an eternal noise
engulfing
my life
breaking
my drums
scraping
my throat
itching
my skin
step into your own mind
why are you still hiding
from yourself
I know my parents could
never kick me out
I think
what if they get angry
and look at me differently
so maybe
I should not tell them
maybe what I feel
is wrong
perhaps I won’t
breathe
because
I
don’t
know
why
I
should
I know it might be wrong
that you are my everything
but if I let you go
everything would be gone
when the sun sets
what is left
never thought
I would be the me
that I am now
without you
it feels like I’m just
pretending
to be alive
what would it take to break the cycle
we’re living in
what would it take to break the mould
we were born in
is our potential
limited
is our brain even
limitless
or is a life in chains
imminent
in your eyes
I see my future
do you see yours
in mine
family isn’t always easy
sometimes it is quiet
air filled with tension
no one understands each other
and they fight
divide
in the morning
they all leave
but in the evening
where do they go
back to each other
family isn’t always easy
but it’s always family
I dreamt of you last night
you said you didn’t dream of me
you want me to be boring
oh well, I’m so sorry
can’t handle a little change
am I shaking your perfect world
I’ll be sure to send you a postcard
cause you don’t seem
to be going anywhere
sometimes we look at each other
just for a second
sometimes we speak to each other
just for a second
and when I’m gone
I hope you remember me
for more than a second
I want to break something
because I feel broken
I see you in my house
but you’re not there
I’m scared of you
because I love you
I am so angry
why is it like this
it is
invisible
tangible
between us
I grab it
it is
beautiful
chaotic
dangerous
I offer it to you
and I see doubt
on your face
hold my hand
in the crowd
when I’m scared
stroke my cheek
catch my tears
with your thumb
lay on my chest
give me warmth
as dark clouds pass
so beautiful would that be
but the wish echoes in the well
just us
I wish I could pause here
I am happy here
with you
and me
just us
quiet
I cannot cry
it is quiet
I must be normal
it is quiet here
I am not allowed to scream
it is quiet here in the city
but in my head it is loud
everything we say
belongs to ‘a man’
is bullshit
it divides us
and creates
a freedomless mould
for our children
a lonely soul
in a garden chair
at midnight
looked up
at the moon
and saw a boy
the boy smiled softly
and the lonely soul
was a little less lonely
a boy stands
defeated in his bedroom
I’m sure you’ll bring a girl home someday
his father told him
and suddenly
the boy thought
the way he loved
was wrong
how do I get you
back to normal
in my head
how do I stop thinking about you
every time I see anything
how do I stop
my idea of you
not even you
from pulling all the strings
from being the only thing
that keeps me afloat
this messed up game
I play with myself
in my head
I pretend I know you
and what you think
if you say something anything
you like me and everything is okay
if you say nothing
nothing at all
you hate me
and the world no longer has meaning
and I die
eyes
that pierce
through my
life’s structure
that make me suddenly
not so sure anymore
about anything
and my mind and body
stop
my life
stops
at the sight
of your eyes
am I
in denial
about
being rotten
or am I
really not as
rotten as the
world likes
to tell me
I have so much
that I want to say
to someone who
says not much
in return
it breaks my heart
that people full of love
can act lovelessly
that words from
Love itself
can be used
lovelessly
that a child
in their family
could feel
lovelessness
it is not negative
to be empty
it is negative
to think being empty
is negative
we are empty
at the end of the day
are we not
God in us all
I believe that
but empty nonetheless
and that is absolutely
okay
You could borrow
my purple sweater
if you want
you don’t even
have to ask
it would look
really good
on you
I fear many of us
try to piece together
the puzzle of life
without ever looking
at the picture
I even fear many of us
are using pieces
that don’t belong
in the puzzle of life
If you love trees
I love trees
because I love
someone
who loves trees
yesterday
someone fell
you kind of
laughed
today
you fell
someone kind of
laughed
so do you see
you are the person
that fell yesterday
It is not negative
to be alone
it is negative
to think being alone
is negative
we are alone
at the end of the day
are we not
God with us all
I believe that
but alone nonetheless
and that is absolutely
okay
your trash bin
or garbage can
is not a portal
to somewhere out of
this universe
the things we throw
keep on existing
we just move them
to a different place
and we are relieved
that it is not our problem anymore
but we do not realize
that it still is
In the glass jar
on my bookshelf
I keep all my love for you
so that it won’t hurt
to walk around
and miss you
but every day I
open the jar
and take you with me anyway
because I love you so much
even if it hurts
could we have
our forever
for a while
it’s funny how
it seems easier
to capture
a feeling
in small words
than in
the towering shelves
of books and books
and books
what single word
could topple me
you ask
no
yes
today
tomorrow
everyone
nothing
sorry
goodbye
if a single word
is enough to
topple
the strongholds
of the mind
and the statues
of the heart
what do you suppose
many words
together
could achieve
behold
the togetherness
of words
they speak
to each other
and give
each other meaning
so let
the togetherness of words
now speak to you
isn’t rain just as sweet
as strumming strings
of a soft guitar
yet you run from
the miracle of
heaven’s water
you curse
the way of nature
as if it is
against you
but you are against it
If you would ever read this
then know that this page
is for you
Dedicated to the most lovely
person
in this chapter
of my life
the fire at your mouth
does not impress me
it makes me
silently scream
save your life
you laugh it off
and relight the fire
You don’t impress me
anymore
because the way you
left me standing there
broke my view
of you
why
does it sometimes just feel
like every breath
is in vain?
Beneath
the highest point
is everything
And above it
is God
Took the bus again
but didn’t leave it
rode it out
Knew the windows and doors
till I didn’t
I piece together
sounds of broken words
words you said
when you would still smile at me
but words that broke
when your heart grew cold
What should I do alone?
If he is still breathing
but not here?
someone hurts us
but we still love them
we remember what they said
when they still loved us
we piece together sounds
of broken words
If you are here
why do you think about
somewhere else?
If you are not here
where are you?
(being or leaving)
to be
or
to leave
truly we must have strength
to choose
to be
because how strong
are the reasons to stay?
what is their fundament?
is their fundament not only smoke
in the sight of life?
yet somewhere in us lies the strength
to deem the reasons to stay as enough
to be
so admirable is our strength
to choose
to be
To be
or
to leave
Our
forever
for a while
In this absurd world
you are
one more absurd part
I don’t understand