With our naked bodies
in the mud
clawing for meaning
and we call it beautiful

And it is beautiful

There was a loud noise in my hand

I walk outside to find you 
‘I want to show you something’ 

Away from the people 
We go to the parking lot 

You feel my fear 
‘What’s wrong?’ 

I open my mouth 
Nothing comes out 

I look away 
Let go of the brakes 

‘I love you’ 

I hear you 
saying that it is just 
love 

but tell me 
what do you think 
love is? 

love is something 
we can only feel 
not understand 

so maybe this 
boy emotion 
is love 

because I feel it 
but don’t understand it 

It is a soft,  
slow spider that 
climbs up to my lungs 
and weaves this feeling 
inside of me 

and I can’t breath 
but then I can 
and then I can’t 

my throat 
is suddenly 
not wide enough 
for oxygen 

and my body 
is suddenly 
not certain 
why it is alive 

There it is again 
some sort of emotion 
that floats between me 
and this boy 

when I saw him 
I felt something 

I don’t know  
how to describe it 
I suppose it is 
some sort of boy emotion 

The scariest thing
is being afraid of nothing

To feel displaced
at home

An empty barn
devoid of
live animals
but filled with
slaughtered ones

and you lick
your lips at
a bloody corpse

The eyes of the crowd
prevent us from seeing
our own freedom

I use a new pair of lenses every month
I’ve loved you for like thirty pairs of lenses

I wonder if I’ve ever been
a ‘you’ or ‘him’
in any of your writing

You can’t hand someone understanding

When the mountains of understanding
tumble into the everlasting nothingness

You will remain standing

Am I fated to know you
or am I doomed only to want to

Bathed in the royal blood
we bite
we chew
we swallow
that which we once knew

Dragged down
Dragged down
Are we not?
By our own
deficiencies

The grinding of your bones
as they move the bike
The thumping of your heart
as the blood runs through you
The filling of your lungs
stretching the thin barrier between
life and death
Do you feel you are dying?
Good.
Then you are alive

A crimson band
in the night sky
The glorious light leaves us
standing here wishing
it would take us with her
To see what life would be like
in the light
And if we would burn
Then let us burn

No one will read this poem
so let no eye touch it
in your mind
Before you write
you think: “What will they…”
No!
There is no they!
There is only you
and this moment
and these feelings
Do not let their mind eyes touch you!
They do not exist
No one is reading along with you now
It is just you

On the lonely peak
I see only
that no one
can reach me

Write
before your mind says ‘no’
Write
before every spark disappears
into a far off horizon
Write
Do not stop
Do not doubt
Do not fear

Swimming in the dark pond
My muscles acidify
And the black water
drips into my mouth
I am drowning
I can’t do it anymore
So I let myself drown
I let myself feel
the panic
the pain
the fear
My body convulses
The moonlight can’t reach me now
And no hand will pull me out
My lungs fill with liquid
And I die
I die but my soul is alive
And I drop to the bottom
of the pond, the slimy sand
My soul calms now
in this black nothingness
My body may be dead
But my soul has never been
more alive

By leashing our dog
we leash ourselves
to a life of
leashing

‘I’m here’
But it was like
you didn’t hear me
You just kept staring
at that one tree in the distance
I could see that you were thinking
And your breaths seemed shallow
‘I will listen to you’

That summer feeling
in February
That feeling that I have
to tell you that
I love you

And you wave to a stranger
that’s locked inside your head
And you pray that today
is something you’ll forget

Whoever could break through 
this insane theatre? 
I can only feel the potential of what is beyond it 
but I can not reach it 
this kills me 
I am imprisoned 
like all of us 
Will we never escape? 
Will we never leave? 
It is not ‘more’ 
It is something else entirely  
Something ………//,,//,.,//,./,/ 
No, I /..,… can not.//,/..,..,.,/ 
describe [;'[‘;[‘;./,.][‘;,/][‘;,/[,; 
No wor-ds ;,/,-=][‘;/.,./;'[]=-]=[”’;/..,[];’./,.’;][\[;’./,’;[]=-[];’.//’;[=-][ reach it 
;’.?’;[]=-[]\[;’./'[;.-[;.=]’/.,-[;.,=]’/.,-[;.,=]’/. 

I would designate ‘you’ to every empty space 
so your name would be  

I love 

Maybe I really love 

If I say something 
I break 
If I say nothing 
I break 
What do you expect me to do? 

these little machines 
seem 
to capture 
our will 

If our ‘I’ is not closed off from the world
we are then perhaps still slightly connected

Oh, the cruelty of emotion 

It plays games with my heart 
and doesn’t tell me the rules 

Overwhelming my mind 
And seeping into my limbs 

I am a powerless spectator 
to the power of emotion 

Oh, the beauty of emotion 

Gift from God, 
Depth of life 

Butterflies warming my heart 
And flying me through dreams 

Songs and poems would be powerless 
without the power of emotion 

Don’t run  
away from the mirror 
in your soul 

Accept 
who you see 
in its reflection 

Stand firm 
before the mirror 
with pride 

Reject 
the reflection 
that others created for you 

Be honest 
with yourself 
Be yourself 

Suddenly blinded by an ominous beauty 
It wraps its radiance around my ribs 
My lungs lash lividly to every breath 
My blood boils and bones bend 
I have no control 

What is happening? 

I am entombed 
By the unrelenting grip of love 
Trapped by overwhelming emotion 
Imprisoned in a cycle of hope and despair 
Simultaneously enveloped in misery and ecstasy 

Maybe… 
Maybe you’re not good for me  

You 
You wither my worries 

When you dance 
When you sing 

You fill my heart and mind 

When you laugh 
When you smile 

I can’t help but forget 
the troubles inside 

So when can I see you again? 
I’m worried 

What would 
living life 
look like 
without worry? 

Would we 
have happiness 
preach peace 
feel fulfilled? 

But what withers worry? 

Am I guilty 
For following butterflies 
For following happiness 
Can you blame me? 

Can I not utter 
That you are as beautiful 
as the blossom on the branches? 
Is that taboo? 

Can I not say 
That I am 
happiest with you? 
Is that so weird? 

It’s funny how emotion  
can push and pull 
and overshadow reason completely 
Well, maybe not funny actually 

I never expected this 
I never wanted this 
But I had no choice 
The heart is merciless 

You kept me here 
But now I must go 
To me you will never be gone 

Sometimes you want someone to be 
something they’re not 
You were that dream 

Could I die? 
Just for now 
Just till this is over 
Just till I can be happy again? 

If I stop my heart 
I don’t have to feel 
If I stop my heart 
It doesn’t have to beat while broken 

If I could just lay  
in eternal rest 
For a short while 
Maybe I would forget him 

Death just seems easier now 
than living 
with him around 
but not with him 

When you came 
the cage didn’t seem so small anymore 

When you left 
a hot pain in the heart while the world turns grey 

You were the canvas of my dreams 
But you were not my dream 
I thought you were 
because I painted you to be 

But now if I get rid of the canvas 
Do I get rid of the dream? 
It feels that way 

I could see you didn’t mean it 
That broke my heart 

I will miss you 
but I surrender you 
to the stretching seas 

maybe the seas 
will one day 
bring us together again 

A mighty storm 
Dangerous 
But also beautiful 
The rainfall waters the land 
but the lightning burns the village 
If you could hold that mighty storm 
in the palm of your hand 
What would you do? 

A violin without strings 
You could write music for it 
But it would never bring it to life 

A violin without strings 
a nice piece of wood 
but with no purpose 

A violin without strings 
perhaps displayed for a while 
but ultimately destined to be boxed up in the attic 

A violin without strings 
Does anyone hear me 
because it feels
like I lost my strings 

I am outside with my neon umbrella 
I want attention 
I hope you see me 
But you don’t like rain 
So why would you be outside? 

I want to find you outside 
and share my neon umbrella with you 

When I fly home 
will you be there? 

An empty canvas 

An innocent start  
of soft colour 

But then the violent strokes 
of a deep blood scarlet  

Quickly, we paint 
happy colours  
to hide scars 

But we never forget 
what lies under 
the happy colours 

What would be the greatest gift? 

If you could have that 
would you be happy? 
Would you be fulfilled? 
Or would you always want  
one more gift? 

The weight of longing for 
something you don’t have  
can wear you down 
Joy in the things you do have 
can lift you up 
I know this 
but still I long for you, 
the greatest gift of all 

Do you want to plant a garden with me? 
we would take care of it together 
we would grow vegetables and fruit 
but I hope we would also grow 
love 

Do you think Cupid would dwell in our garden? 
Do you think he would pluck the grapes and berries 
to recover from his hard work: 
bringing us together 

How far must we walk 
to reach the clouds 
or the gleaming sunlight behind them 

we can see it 
feel it 
but never touch it 
never reach it 

The clouds pass 
the light fades 
up in the sky 
untouched 

Should I say that I’m sorry 
Should I say that I regret the words that I said 
Should I say that I wish we could just go back 

I forgot the sound of your voice 
but it’s only been a couple of weeks 
last time I saw you 
you tried to avoid me 
but I saw you looking at me 

And I hate to say it 
but I think I miss you 
And I hate to admit it 
but I can’t stop loving you 

I hope we’re not broken 
when all this is over 
I hope we can fix us again 

I wish you could feel what I feel 
that you could understand 
who you are 
to me 

What was I thinking 
I wasn’t thinking 
Cause all I could think of was you 

I think you might 
hate me 
for loving you 

But I hope 
time will heal us 

I love the sounds you make 
How I wish my mind could record them 
How I wish I could hear them all day 

Once, I dropped what was in my hands 
and walked straight to you 
as you walked straight to me 
walking to you is perhaps my favourite thing 

I want to know how you experience love 
I want to talk to you about deep things 
I want to understand you 
And understand how you see life 

I am okay alone 
Alone is not a bad thing 
I will be okay alone 
I still hope to see you then once 
At the end of every year 
And you would tell me  
who you were 
and who you are now 
and I would love you then 
and all the days  
that I am alone 

It’s midnight and 
I don’t think you’ll still be up 
maybe you’re dreaming of 
what you’ll do tomorrow  
and the day after that 
and who you’ll be  
after years more of life 
stretching you out and dragging 
you through time 
I hope you’re dreaming sweet 
that the future doesn’t scare you 
that you don’t avoid it 
that you’ll speak 
really speak 
and become  
the person 
you are 

In the late-night air 
under a lamp of light 
your face was  
the most beautiful thing 
I had ever seen 
the most  
beautiful thing 
I had ever seen 
I am supposed to play with words 
and I don’t have the words to  
describe how beautiful your face was then 
when you gave me something I lost 
Without knowing it 
you gave me something else that I had lost 

Rather 
a soft death 
than  
a soft bed 

I will never forget our times 
and you won’t either, I think 

I will remember you for who you were 
before the end 
not for who you were 
when you left me standing there 

I romanticize you too much  
because I still miss you 
I see you as an idol 
as someone I still want to be with 

but this is the way it is now, 
goodbye

When you left 
breathing became 
labour 

and I am exhausted of labour 

I remember the exact moment 
the world lost its meaning 

my face in a pillow at the hotel 
my future flashing before my eyes 

and none of it  
felt worth living 

none of it 
meant anything 

your ‘I’m sorry’ on my phone 
had broken me 

and I am eternally grateful for it 

because being broken 
let’s you see the whole